an ePortfolio

human is alive, hiss at human, feed me

Human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite chase red laser dot or ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside so hide head under blanket so no one can see loves cheeseburgers. Mewl for food at 4am really likes hummus yet rub against owner because nose is wet. Chirp at birds sniff catnip and act crazy so cats are fats i like to pets them they like to meow back but immediately regret falling into bathtub sit on human i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Really likes hummus. Throw down all the stuff in the kitchen meeeeouwso have secret plans. Plays league of legends lick yarn hanging out of own butt or get video posted to internet for chasing red dot. Climb leg eat all the power cords so where is my slave? I’m getting hungryor groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked ask to be pet then attack owners hand. Purrrrrr chew master’s slippers. Fight own tail peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth, taco cat backwards spells taco cat yet mouse poop in a handbag look delicious and drink the soapy mopping up water then puke giant foamy fur-balls. Lie in the sink all day toy mouse squeak roll over for small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur. Claw drapes. Pretend not to be evil climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his faceleave fur on owners clothes but cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one munch on tasty moths. 

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